Rock-a-Bye Ed/Script
is sitting in a chair watching TV while listening to her brother play with a paddleball. Annoyed, she moves closer to the TV. Ed: "Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth!" sound is a constant, drumming on the edges of her consciousness, driving into her mind, slowly becoming all she hears. Sarah: "YAARAHOEHAAA!" grabs the toy. "STOP IT!" Ed: "Sarah, no!" is about to cut the string. Ed yanks his toy away. Sarah: "Gimme it, Ed." shakes. "What?" angry "You gimme that stupid thing or I'll–I'll–" calm "Fine. If that's the way you want it." vengeful "I'm telling Mom!" Ed: "Don't tell Mom, Sarah!" rushes to the kitchen, where he sees Sarah about to tell on him. Sarah: "Mom? As much as I hate tattletaleing, I think you should know, Ed won't let me watch television." pouts exaggeratedly. Ed: "Mom, Sarah's fibbing! Honest and for truly!" mother takes off her rubber gloves. "I was in my happy place, lost in the void of my mind!" mom turns around. She has Jonny's face. Ed's Mom: "Edward, how many times have I told you to be nice to your baby sister?" sticks her tongue out. Ed: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" runs away. He runs down the hall full tilt only to suddenly find that he is moving upward. He looks down and finds himself on a spoon. Ed's Mom: "Don't you look at me like that!" Ed: "AAAAAAHHH!! Please, Mom, it wasn't me!" Ed's Mom: "I see we'll have to wipe that silly grin off your face, won't we?" Ed: "But Mom, Sarah!" mouth disappears. His mom appears in a judge's chair made of Planks. Ed's Mom: "You are accused of shirking the responsibility of an older brother. What do you have to say for yourself, young man?" mouthless, cannot form words. "Has the jury reached a verdict?" jury is composed of twelve Sarahs. The verdict is obvious. Sarahs: "Guilty." Ed's Mom: "Well, Edward, as your mother, I sentence you to be thrown into… the Kanker pit!" brings her spoon down on a rest, signaling that verdict has been passed and the trial is over. Ed's mouth reappears and he screams in horror. A pit opens beneath him, revealing sharklike Kankers waiting below. Ed: "Bad for Ed, Mommy! Bad for Ed!" Ed's Mom: "This hurts me more than it does you, son." chains holding him back release and he falls. ---- Ed: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" water splashes over him. Ed is in his own bed; apparently the whole judge-jury sequence was a nightmare. Eddy: "I told you that would shut him up." Edd: "Ed? Are you alright? You must have had a horrible dream." Ed: "It was, Double D. I was in my happy place, and Sarah told my mom I did some–" Eddy: "That's real wacky, Ed. But hey! Here's an idea!" waits a beat "We gotta go." Edd: "Eddy! Nightmares can have lasting aftereffects. Why, there have been studies that correlated assimilations between the dream itself and the real world, if you will." Eddy: "Aw, come on! Nazz invited us to her shindig! We never get invited to anything! I'm outta here." Ed: Eddy leaves "So anyways, the Kankers started kissing me in a pit and–" Edd: "I didn't know we were invited." makes to leave. "Coming, Ed?" Ed: "You betcha!" runs out and gets dressed. ---- turns on a tape and swirls some ribbons. He goes into a complicated gymnastics routine, competing well until the end, when he gets dizzy and falls over. Kevin, the judge, holds up a 1. Kevin: "What a waste of a life." Jimmy: "Did I win, Sarah? Did I?" Nazz: by "Better luck next time, Jimmy." does a series of jumps. Kevin: "Go Nazz, go!" Nazz: "Your turn, Sarah." Eds arrive. Eddy: "What kind of party is this? Sports?" Edd: "Gymnastics, Eddy. A series of exercises that develop and demonstrate strength, balance, and agility!" Eddy: "Somersaults, hoop-de-hoops, and tippy-toes. All girly stuff!" runs into him. Ed: "TIPPY-TOES!" happily runs into the park. Edd: "That's the competitive spirit, Ed!" Ed: "I'm a gymbag!" runs past Nazz and Jimmy. Nazz: "Hi, Ed. Glad you could make it." Jonny: around "Hiya, Ed!" scared, skids to a stop. He looks up at Jonny, and memories of his nightmare echo in his head. Ed's Mom: "I see we'll have to wipe that silly grin off your face, won't we?" turns and runs away. Ed: "WAAAA!! IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" is trying the ribbons. Edd: "Exhilarating." Ed: "Don’t take my mouth! Don't take my mouth!" Edd: "Ed?" hides in a tree. "Ed, stop it! Are you all right? I'm beginning to worry about you, Ed." Eddy: "What's with him?" Ed: "Jonny's mad at me, guys!" and Eddy look over to Jonny. Jonny: "Grass is Mother Nature's wall-to-wall broadloom, buddy." Edd: "Jonny's not mad at you, Ed. Please, come down." Ed: "Uh uh!" Eddy: "Get me a rock, I'll get him down." Nazz: "Listen up, everybody! It's time for the balance beam!" Jonny: "Isn't that what you want to be when you grow up, Plank?" gives Plank a friendly elbow to the side. Plank falls over, right into the path of Jimmy. Jimmy: "Me first! Me first!" slips on Plank, sending the wood flying. Jonny: "I gotcha, buddy! I gotcha!" miscalculates Plank's trajectory, and Plank rams into Jonny's head. Kevin: laughing "Looks good on ya, Jughead!" gives Jonny a 10. "10 outta 10!" Nazz: "Well, it's not really gymnastics, but it's original to say the least." gives Plank a blue ribbon. Eddy: "Hey! Nazz is giving out ribbons! Quit your blubbering, Ed! Get down here and win me a ribbon! I love ribbons!" Edd: "I am astounded by your callous, self-serving attitude to Ed's strange and distraught behavior! As a friend, you should be more–" tree branch lands on Edd and Eddy. Ed: "Ribbons!" goes to join the games. Jimmy: the balance beam "Look at me! I'm so graceful and petite!" Ed: "Pardon me, miss." moves Jimmy off the board. "I got it!" fails to mount the board. "I got it!" can't get on the beam. "I got it!" fall. "I got it!" Crunch. "I got it!" Eddy: "HEY, JUDGE! Get ready to chalk down another winner." has managed to get on the beam. Ed: "Cock-a-doodle-doo! Cock-a-doodle-doo!" Jonny: the end of the beam "You think he'll lay an egg, buddy?" remembers again. Ed: "AAAH! I am a good brother! It was not my fault!" runs into Edd at the other end and falls at Jonny's feet. Jonny: "Boy, Ed, you're freakin' me out." Ed: "AAAAAAHHHH!!!" his haste to escape, his body ties a knot around the beam. Nazz looks on, confused, and Kevin laughs. Edd appears worried about Ed. Eddy: "Ed's just warming up, some mumbo-jumbo stretching stuff. Athletes. Go figure." Jonny: to Ed "Plank says, 'Coulda fooled me!' He just thought Ed was nuts!" Edd: Eddy carry the beam away "Please excuse Ed." changes the 10 to a d0rk sign and holds it up. ---- Edd: Ed down outside the park "Funny, but Ed's adverse behavior seems to be associated with Jonny. Somewhat like a phobia." Eddy: "So? The kid weirds me out too. Look at him!" Edd: "There's no reason to fear Jonny, Ed. He's a good fellow who wouldn't harm a fly." Ed: "Oh, no way! He is mad at me! He wants to punish bad Ed!" ---- is holding something. Ed is eating, making loud noises of gulping and swallowing. Eddy: "Are you done yet?" looks up from the jar of peanut butter Eddy is holding and shakes his head, spraying it everywhere. Eddy: "Alright, alright, alright! You animal." opens the window and climbs through. Ed: "Yum yum yum yum yum!" comes up and whispers in Eddy's ear. Eddy: "'Bout time." Edd: "Oh Ed. Wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?" Ed: "You bet! Do you think they will like peanut butter?" licks peanut butter from his finger. Edd: "Oh I'm sure they would!" doorbell rings, and Edd and Eddy wait expectantly. Ed continues to gorge himself. Edd: "Um, Ed. I believe there's someone at your door." Ed: "Company!" sits up, the jar wedged on his head. "Oh goodie goodie!" he runs into a wall. "Hello?" hits the wall again. "Hello?" Edd: sighing "Oh dear." Ed: "Hello?" ---- goes up and opens the door. Jonny walks in. Edd: "Ah! Thank you for coming!" ---- leads Jonny to the basement. Edd: "Right this way please." Ed: the wall "Hello?" Edd: "Have I missed anything?" Ed: "Hello? Hello?" is ignoring Ed. Eddy: "Nope." Ed: "Hello? Hello?" takes a seat on a stool. Eddy: "Can we get on with it?" Edd: Ed "No please, not again! Let's have a seat, shall we? There's someone I'd like you to talk to." removes the jar from Ed's head. Ed stares straight at Jonny. Jonny: "Hiya, Ed." Ed: into the chair in terror "RRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It wasn't me! Sarah's lying!" Edd: "That's quite enough, Ed. The only way to conquer your fear of Jonny is to attack it head on. It's up to you two now to resolve this dilemma." Eddy: "Yeah, I wanna get on with my life." Jonny: "Me and Plank have no idea what the heck you guys are talking about!" Edd: "First stage is always denial, Jonny." Eddy: "Kiss and make up now." exit, shutting the door behind them. ---- and Jonny sit, waiting for who knows what. Jonny looks at Ed, puzzled. Ed, for his part, cringes away from Jonny. A clock on the wall ticks past the seconds. Minutes. Each tick signifies another lost moment, and though the clicking comes fast, each seems to last an eternity. Plank: Jonny: "You have a mouth, why don't you ask him?" Plank: Jonny: "Plank says this hurts him more than it does you." eyes widen and he leaps on Jonny. He squeezes Jonny tightly in a bear hug. Ed: "I love you mom!" opens his mouth and screams. ---- Jonny: "OOOOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAA!!!!" sits up. He is in his bed. He peeks under his bed and sees nothing. Jonny: "What a nightmare! That's it, no more free-range soybeans before bed. Nighty night, buddy." Category:Season 3 Category:Season 3 Scripts